Tags

, ,

An Hour in Lyme

The following is an attempt to describe the state that I have previously been in, on and off, more or less constantly, during the course of the preceding two years of my life. To the praise of the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, this year I am doing much better than this weak depiction of a single hour reveals. The complete, entire, sad, utter, dark, warm, fevery, pervasive weariness has lifted, by the grace of God. Even when I am exhausted now, it is not to the same depths. And I know not how to describe those depths any better than by this narration of about an hour in the life of one afflicted with neuroborreliosis. Please read this and praise the Lord with me for all that he has done in my life! Many other people are very familiar with a similar state. Many have been healed. Many have not. Many do not know the source of their illness.

We have just gotten done eating lunch. So it’s time that I go and put the leftovers away before my sister washes the dishes.

But that means I have to get up.

Hmmmm…..

First, let me try to straighten my back (again) and sit up straight. I feel so utterly weary from the inside out…at least, perhaps, I can practice that self-discipline. I can’t seem to think in a straight line…I can hardly finish a thought…then there’s that vertigo…there is such a warm, fevery feeling in my brain! It feels all warm and full and dark….

Oh…yes….

Toes? Toes? Hey, are you there? Toes?

Oh. Okay — you moved. Thank you. Just checking.

Okay. Feet? Can you move a little, too, just so I know you can?

Thank the Lord! Yes, my right foot moved! Now…left foot, you too….

Okay. They will respond, after all…….now I need to twist around in the chair so I can actually get up…I just am not quite sure I can make it all in one motion….

Knees? Please…….thank you…..

Uh-oh. I’m slouching again…straighten up, you!

Now I need to stand up.

Really?

Okay.

Hmmmmm………I really feel old………so why am I laughing? Here goes!

Okay. I’m up now. Thankfully.

To the kitchen I go!

Oh! That’s right, I’m supposed to be putting the food away! So….wait a moment……

Well…..today I think I’ll just carry one dish at a time…my right wrist is bothering me…..besides….it feels like I’d drop anything if I had to hold it one hand. I’ve dropped enough stuff already today….I just don’t have any strength in my hands! It just doesn’t work, no matter how hard I squeeze…it just doesn’t work……

Now, then…it is taking me such a long time to gauge whether this amount of green beans will fit in this small dish. Do I need that one? Or this one? Should I try that one? I don’t want to underestimate and make more dirty dishes…..

My back hurts. I wonder why it tingles like that? It sure feels like there’s a fever in there…. Here I go, limping again, across the kitchen…can you hear that? Klu-klunk-klu-klunk-klu-klunk….etc. I want to go back to the chiropractor soon…that does help so much….

I grab for the bank of cabinet doors. There went my knees again, falling out from under me.

I really need to sit down….

Not yet! I have to get this food put away and in the refrigerator first!

Uhhhh……okay….now what was I looking for over here?

My neck is really grinding today, isn’t it? Every time I turn my head, it grinds and crunches…it sounds like it is right up inside my brain! I really don’t like the way it sounds……but I know that is where it is…….’cause it is that top vertebrae that isn’t quite right……I think?

Anyways……..yes….the green beans……

I wish I didn’t feel like sobbing for no reason right now. I’ve done enough of that already this week….my poor family……

Well…..I’ll try this one. Maybe while I’m here I’ll get the lid, too…..maybe I can sit down sooner if I remember that…..

I go to put the dish down on the counter top, but somehow I miss, and other things go flying. Whoops! My judgement and muscle memory really isn’t working with me here today, is it? What is it they call that? Dis-…dis-….displ-…no…..dispa-….no…disp-…I know it is dis-p-something……oh well…..I’ll probably remember later. Or not.

Now I have to bend over and pick up the spoon off the floor that I just knocked off…..I think I’ll just sort of sit here for a bit and rest a moment…….no….not too long…..I need to get these green beans put away……

Okay! I got up! Yay!

Green beans…green beans…….

Whoops!

Oh! My hands are so weak today! Now there are green beans all over the counter!

Somebody’s calling me to come look at something…..okay….I’m coming……

I can’t see that…..I really just can’t see that…….too blurry……where are my glasses? Where did I leave them this time? I used to always remember where I set them down at….now I just can’t remember!

Wait….have I even had them on today?

Hmmmmmmmm……

Well, they’re not here……nor there……did I leave them on the piano again?

No.

Okay.

Well…they must be upstairs in my bedroom…..do I really want to see across the yard that much? Well, not really…..

I was doing something, wasn’t I?

I really need to sit down.

My mind feels all a-fever.

I was doing something!

Oh! Yes!

I had a mess…I need to go clean it up……

So….I clean up the mess and eventually get the rest of the leftovers safely ensconced in the refrigerator. Now I can go sit down!

Oh….but wasn’t there something else I needed to do?

Hmmmmmmmm…my glasses!

Where, O where, can they be?

Wow! I sort of had a tune come to mind! That’s the first time all day! That makes me happy!

“O where, O where can they be?”

I think I’ll look upstairs in my room!

Oh.

Fifteen stairs.

Steps.

Wood thingys that well people run up and don’t think anything about.

I feel old. Really old. I guess my bloodwork from last year said I was about ninety-four — or was it ninety-eight — was it even ninety-something at all? Anyways….isn’t that about how old cousin Virginia is? Oh, I don’t know. I can’t remember numbers…. I want to be a lovely lady like cousin Virginia when I’m old, praying for the next generation…..my mind is so fuzzy I can’t even hardly pray right now….I always forget what I was saying……

Fifteen…..

Okay.

Toes?

Feet?

Knees?

Thank you…..only one step at a time……only one step at a time.

I’m so glad this thingy is here to hang on to….metal…pipe? Tube? Ummm….what’s the name…..oh, it doesn’t matter…..

My knee is really bothering me today. I don’t know what I did to it. Maybe I didn’t do anything to it. Maybe it is those nasty little bugs eating my joints. Maybe that’s all its from….I hope it isn’t permanent…..

I wish my shoulders would release a little tension…..perhaps that would help my headache…..I just ache all over…..

Just a few more steps…..

Really, is this headache from the babesia? I can’t tell……all I know is it just won’t stop…..

Seems like I was coming up here for something, wasn’t I? I know one thing, I’m going to lay down for a while…..I just can’t move today……let alone think…..everything sounds so loud….and the light is hurting my eyes now, too…….

I think I’ll shut the curtains. Wow. Even that hurts my wrist today.

My stomach is aching, too……I wish my hair would stop falling out……why? It doesn’t really matter that much….it’s just hair…..oh….and those prickles are back….those raw nerve endings….or whatever……are there bugs there, too? Or are they all up in my brain? I don’t want to think about it at the moment….’cause it’s probably mostly the toxins making so much sludge in my body…..but they say the bugs—

My backbone is cold…..I think I’ll use a blanket, even though I know it doesn’t help all that much…….

Oh…………………………

It feels so good to lay down……………

My brain feels like it is drifting away from me…………oh…..I suppose it is okay now………I’m laying down and everybody is fine with me resting for a while now………..

Wait!

Wasn’t I supposed to be doing something?

Oh, well….I’ll probably remember later. Or somebody will tell me. Or something……….something…..what an interesting-sounding word that is….I wonder where it came from….Latin….Anglo-Saxon…..Greek………..my head hurts……what was that about the Indian languages being related to the Greek and Latin and….uh…..I forgot. I want to learn more about languages someday…….my eyes hurt……..

Maybe someday the Lord will bless me with sleep.

Sleep……………oh, precious sleep………………..zoning out…..is that what they call this?………….it’s just not sleep……………..I. Just. Can’t. Move.

No……… I won’t even try right now.

What would it be like to be not able to move…..what’s it called? Something has to do with four……

My eyes hurt. Maybe I shouldn’t have worn my glasses so long yesterday. I wonder if that would have helped………….. Besides, I can’t see much with my eyes shut right now, anyways…….

Sleep…………..oh, sleep would be lovely…………but I won’t sleep right now……….

If I could just lay on the warm beach down there in Florida and go to sleep….all that sun…..warm……peaceful…..I love the beach……………..the sound of the waves…………If I could just sleep for three weeks straight, maybe I could wake up feeling at least somewhat refreshed……………….

Uh…….

I can’t move. This really feels strange…….how can I tell someone how they’ll believe me?

Wait? Can I move?

Toes? Fingers?

Praise the Lord!

Oh…..has it really been that long I’ve been lying here? Well, I think I remember the time when I came up…..I think? Well, maybe not precisely. But forty minutes! Wow…….

What was going on before I came up here, anyways?

Hmmmmmm…..

There was something I was supposed to remember….what was it?

I suppose I’ll remem—yes! My glasses……

But that means I have to move………………………………

Advertisements